The Bar Mitzvah
by InsaneAquaChic
Summary: What happens when our favorite bohemians get invited to Mark's nephew's bar mitzvah? Unadulterated hilarity of course! Back in progress! All couples, plus mentioned MarkRoger.
1. Who's Joe?

**A/N: Written in three year-old addressing format. Can review again if you want. Is supposed to be stupid. And badly writen. So don't flame. **

It was a bright, and beautiful sunny day and all of our lovely bohemian friends were gathered in front of the Scarsdale Jewish Community center to celebrate the occasion of Mark's nephew, Joey's bar mitzvah. Unfortunately for the other guests, the were not the brightest group of people.

"Why are we here again...?"asked Maureen, while clutching her gift. (Which happened to be a cowbell. Who'd have thought?)

"Joey's bar mitzvah, for the thousandth time!" Mark replied, obviously irritated...This only sparked another interesting question:

"Who's Joey?" Roger wondered outloud. Mark only glared.

"Well, we got him GIFTS so it'd better be really good!" Collins declared.

"If your rock a gift," Angel uncharacteristically made fun of Collins (gasp).Just as he was about to retort back, a very excitable Mrs. Cohen ran up to Mark, and began to give him a huge monolougue...

"Marky! Oh my gosh, Joey will be so glad to see you! And i see that you've brought all your little friends too! Aren't we having simply _marvelous_ weather? Perfect, especially for springtime! Even thought the bar mitzvah will be completely INside! And don't forget to wear your scarf when you go outside!"...before hurrying away. Only Maureen seemed to register anything from this.

"We are outside...right?"

"Um, duh" Mimi said rolling her eyes.

"Then WHY isn't Mark wearing his scarf!" Maureen cried as if it were the end of the world. However, Joanne took no notice to her girlfriend's dismay, because she realized she had a problem of her own.

"Do you guys think that Joe will-" She was quickly cut off by Mimi.

"You mean Joey, right? I don't think that Joey will like being called Joe. I mean, I hate it when people call me Meems. Or something like that. Maybe you should call him Joey, because he won't like it if you call him Joe! I know I woudn't. So you call him Joey because he'll probably be upse if you call him Joe. You get what I mean?" She rambled for about 10 more minutes, repeating the exact same thing, while Joanne stared baldly at her, very disturbed.

"Ok, whatever! As I was SAYING, do you think _Joey_ will like the Barney Karaoke CD I got him?" She enquired, putting emphasis on the word 'Joey'. "That's what the cashier at WalMart said a six year old would like." Now it was Joanne's turn do be stared at.

"He's THIRTEEN!" Mark nearly screamed.

"What's your point...?" Mark sighed.

"We should go in."

**A/N: Love it hate it? How will I know if you don't LEAVE A REVIEW?**


	2. Misunderstandings

**A/N: Sorry I know I forgot the disclaimer last chapter...Anyway, thanks for the reviews (ahem, keep reviewing...). I know the first chapter was kind of short, but, I promise that I'll try to make the next few chapters a bit longer. I have never actually been to a bar mitzvah, so I don't have a first hand experience. This was mostly based on what a friend, who has actually been to a bar mitzvah told me about it.**

Disclaimer: I don't own RENT. Too bad, right? ( :

Joey (who was a really fat, obese overweight kid, simply not cutout for ever living the bohemian life) sat in that chair thing that the guy having the bar mitzvah sits in while Mark sat in the front, with his sister, Cindy (also Joey's mother), his brother-in-law Joseph, and his parents, who simple went by Mr. and Mrs. Cohen (like in the Fairly Odd Parents! ok w/e). Mark was trying not to laugh at the sight of his six friends who were standing in the very back, half asleep. All of them except Roger that is, who had found something very interesting.

"Ooh..." he murmured, entranced by the unnamed fancy object on the ornate table beside him.

"Roger!" Mimi slapped him on the arm.

"What?" As Roger turned around to face his girlfriend, he knocked the unnamed fancy object to the ground, sending it to its death. This was the part when everyone turned around to stare. Roger seemed to have no idea what was going on, since he was staring at the ceiling, while all these old ladies were glaring at him for interrupting the peace.

"Smooth dude," some jock kid in the throng of people had decided to comment.

"Now I will allow Joey's uncle Mark to speak," (Joseph decided to act as the commentator)

"I have an uncle Mark?"

"Yes sweetie, he's my brother," Cindy came to the rescue with her sweet voice.

"But you never TOLD me about him!" Joey burst into tears.

"There's a good reason for that," Mr. Cohen whispered to Mrs. Cohen who simply told Mark to 'get on with his speech'. Mark climbed up to the podium/chair thing to make his speech.

"I never knew Joey that well. In fact, I barely knew he existed! Before my mom called to invite me to this snore-fest, I thought I was going to my niece's bat mitzvah! Now, don't say anything because, Joey never called the house or-"

"Since when do we live in a house?" Once again, everyone turned to face Roger. Joey squinted at Mark and Roger, as he turned his head numerous times to face the two.

"Are you...gay?"

Mark glared daggers at Joey before saying, "As a matter of fact!... No." Roger, who had been diagnosed with a slow reaction time disease after it took him so long to realize that he loved Mimi, wasn't as quick to explain the (cough) 'misunderstanding'. After about ten seconds he screamed at the top of his voice, "Ew! No! Want proof, yo?" he grabbed Mimi, and pushed her toward the people, making her trip over her heels, "She's my GIRLfriend! G-U-R-L!".

"Woah...what a big word, dude," said the same jock kid again.

Right then, Mark ended his speech with, "But in this short time, I have learned what a generous and empathetic 'boy' he is," before stepping off the podium.

**  
A/N: Actually, this was kind of short too...hm...review, please?**  



	3. Bouquets and Anime

**A/N: I would love some reviews this time...anyway, I hope you like this chapter. I don't own RENT, Or Naruto, or whatever.**

Although the rest of the ceremony went pretty smoothly (i.e. no more broken objects, family troubles, accusations about sexual orientation), havoc was wreaked during the after-party.

"So, pookie, when are they gonna throw the boquet?" asked Maureen.

"That's a wedding. Not a bar mitzvah," Joanne rolled her eyes (she seems to do that a lot...).

"Whatever, I'm going to the bar,"Mimi walked off, closely followed by Roger, Angel, and Collins. Which left Mark, who saw Joey and some girl coming up to him.

"So...you're my uncle Mark,"

"Yeah," Mark replied.

"So..."

"So..."

"So..."

"So...I'd like to introduce you to the epic anime of...NARUTO!" The girl yelled. Mark raised an eyebrow, "In fact, I think you and you're boyfriend could really relate to the main characters, Sasuke and Naruto! Both of them are also struggling to express themselves!" Mark looked horrified, while Joey looked very amused. The girl put her hand on Mark's shoulder, lowered her voice and sincerely whispered, "I'm very perceptive in that way."

"Wh-who ARE you anyway?!" Mark spluttered.

"I'm Raine Sakura! Joey's GIRLfriend. G-U-R...um...L!"

"Right..." he said as she walked away.

"She's insane, Uncle Mark! But she's on medication, and things are looking up. Oh yeah, her name isn't actually Raine. It's Maureen," Joey whispered. Mark opened his mouth to say something, but no words came out.


End file.
